What I Want Her to Know

I often think about the future and what it will be like when Lilah goes through that phase.  That phase during which she will resent my very existence in the world.  I know this phase is inevitable because I went through it myself.  I always loved my mom, but I didn't begin to realize that she was kind of cool until I entered adulthood, and I had no idea just how incredible she was until I became a parent myself.  As a single mother of three, she did pretty darn good.  Hey, the proof is in the pudding (I'm the pudding, if you hadn't figured that out yet).  But that didn't stop me from being irritated by every single tiny thing about her when I went through that phase.  They way she stood, the way she chewed, the way she said the word "what" (she likes to put the 'h' first, so it's pronounced "hwat"), all came under attack and were deemed The. Most. Annoying. Habits. Ever.  I was irritable and sullen and holier-than-thou, and I treated her more like an obstacle than a person.  I even composed mental lists entitled, "Things I Will Not Do to My Own Teen-aged Daughter." 

Because I myself was such a haughty little thing during this phase, I absolutely dread the day when Lilah begins to adopt a similar attitude.  I know it is a long way down the road, since she's only just two, but I keep wishing there was a way to bypass this stage altogether.  Since that is most likely completely impossible, I will settle for  writing down some things I want her to know about me as she becomes a young woman.  My hope is that knowing these things might narrow the gap between us:

• No matter what you do, or who you choose to be, I will always love you.
• I am a person with feelings, and being pleasant will get you a whole lot further than being a jerk.
• I was considered cool, hip, and semi-fashionable at one time in my life.
• I want to be your friend, but my job is to be your mother.  You will understand this when you become a mother yourself.
• Because I pushed your enormous head out of my lady business, my hips will never be as narrow as they once were.  I sacrificed more than one pair of pants for you, young lady!
• I will flounder, and I will make mistakes.  I will try to admit when I am wrong and apologize for my mistakes.  (But do know that you don't need to point out every little error...)
• I'm actually a ninja.  Do not attempt to break the rules I set out for you.
• There was a time when your world revolved around me; when there was no one cooler than me; when you were hurt or upset and only Mama would do; when you thought I was all-powerful, all-knowing.
• In being born, you gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive.  You made me a mother.  Words simply cannot express how grateful I am that the stars aligned  the way they did; that you were the tiny soul chosen to join our family.  It simply couldn't have happened any other way.

Back to the present, when something as simple as a wagon ride makes me her supermom.

Wednesday of Few Words: Two

On Sunday my sweet little girl turned two.  I will spare you the "where has my baby gone?" laments (which, trust me, means I am doing you a huge favour, because there has been a whole lotta navel-gazing* around here lately).  Instead I will subject you to an equally self-indulgent display and make you look at photos of my child's second birthday party.  Because I'm a mom, and that's just what we do.

*I'm almost certain I have started using the term "navel-gazing" as a direct result of reading Amber Strocel's blog.  So you have her to thank for that.

Because Lilah is obsessed with Elmo and has been for quite some time, it wasn't hard to come up with a theme.  We held the party at a nearby park that is home to some fantastic picnic areas, its own lake with a beach, and a great playground.  The weather was a bit dodgy at first, but in the end the sun graced us with its presence and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

So without further ado, I give you Lilah's second birthday party:

At two, Lilah finally has enough hair to rock the pigtails!  I have been dreaming of this day for a very long time.  (I won't blame you if you start gagging on the cuteness of it all.)

Lilah discovered ketchup-flavoured chips for the first time.  I have absolutely no idea why it came as a surprise to me that she loved them.  This is a girl whose only use for french fries is as a delivery method to her mouth.



 

 Kids were mingling.  Or drawing at twenty paces.  Hard to tell.

Lilah's cousin Max did his very best to make this pinwheel spin:

There was even live entertainment!  We tried to get Elmo himself, but his agent never got back to us and all we could get on short notice was this dragon dance:




Lilah's friend Addie went head-to-head with the dragon and I'm pretty certain she won the dance-off.  Lilah was equally enthralled, but as is her nature, she was content to watch from a safer distance on Daddy's lap. 

 

After the live entertainment, it was cupcake time!

Yes, I made these. Thank you, thank you.

This year I remembered to remove the hot candle immediately after it was blown out, thus preventing a repeat of last year's debacle.  Turns out I have actually learned a thing or two during my two years as a parent!

Photo by Lilah's uncle Andrew.

I think it's safe to say the cupcakes were a hit.

So tell me, are the twos really all that terrible?  Because from where I'm sitting, they look pretty sweet.

Four Questions Answered in Sin City

I mentioned recently that I would soon be going to Las Vegas to attend a wedding.  This was a babyless vacation, as the bride and groom had requested that friends and family leave their littles at home for the three-day party extravaganza.  I will admit, this caused some inner (and outer) turmoil for me.  I felt that I may as well have been asked to chop off my arm and leave it at home while the rest of me went to Vegas. I knew there would come a point when the Hubs and I would choose to take a short trip without Lilah, but I always expected that it would be on our terms.  We would be the ones to decide when we were ready to leave our girl.  And to be honest, I probably would have waited.  I didn't really feel ready.  But then, would I ever?  I'm not sure.

The Hubs had already accepted the honour of acting as Best Man to the groom, who was also Best Man at our wedding.  So it was a no-brainer that he would attend the wedding.  And I would have regretted sending him off to Vegas while staying home myself to play the martyr and tend to the baby.  After all, these are my friends too.  So we came to a conclusion we felt would work for us all: the Hubs would go for the full three days, I would join him on the second day and stay just two nights, and the Hubs' parents would stay at our place, shuttle Lilah to and from daycare, feed her breakfast and dinner, put her to bed, and be there when she woke up in the morning.

All of this navel-gazing raised some questions for me.  Surprisingly, I found the answers to my questions on Monday and Tuesday in Vegas.  In Vegas, of all places, where the vast majority of people go to kill millions of brain cells, I actually did some learning.

1) How much would I miss my sweet baby girl?

The answer: A LOT. (Yeah, that's right.  Bold, italics, and caps.  That's how much.)  Over 48 hours without her, and I felt as though I was missing an appendage.  But I was also conflicted.  I felt oddly hollow, and yet, whenever I saw a parent wrangling an unruly toddler, I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn't attempted to bring my own toddler to Vegas with me.  It would have been overstimulation city for her, and exhausting for me, since the Hubs was off doing Best Man-ly duties much of the time. 

As it was, I missed her like crazy, but, oh, the reunion!  I could not stop kissing her sweet cheeks, crushing her with bear hugs, and stroking her hair, which I swear is longer than it was when I left her.  I can't say that I'll be going away again anytime soon, but we enjoyed ourselves, and it was a learning and growth experience for us all.

See?  No worse for wear!

2) Would I rock the dress?

I like to think I did.  Unfortunately, since being a total control freak means that I'm the always the one behind the camera, I didn't manage to get a full-length photo of me rocking it, so you'll just have to take my word for it.  But here's one of the me and the Hubs just to give you a little feel for it:

I relinquished the camera for 2.5 seconds.  Baby steps.

I could not, however, have outshone the bride, as a previous commenter suggested I might.  She was absolutely stunning, so that would have been entirely impossible.  (And who would want to anyway?)  But I managed to collect a number of compliments on the dress and (bonus!) the raspberry colour in my dress perfectly matched the bridesmaids' dresses and some of the decor.  It was meant to be!

3)  How awesome are my in-laws?

Pretty frickin' awesome.  They were fantastic with Lilah, followed our instructions to the best of their abilities, and they had dinner on the table for us when we got back from the airport.  They also put up with my obsessive phone calls without making me feel silly and... well, obsessive.  In addition, I'm pretty certain my mother-in-law cleaned our floors shortly before we got home.  We couldn't have asked for anything more.  But this raises a new question: what to do for them to show our appreciation for all their help?

4)  How hot is my husband?

Brad Pitt has nothing on this guy:


Am I wrong, ladies?

Have you gone on a childless vacation?  How old was/were your child(ren)?  If not, will you try it at some point?  At what point do you think you'll feel comfortable taking a vacation without your child(ren)?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!  (Also, if you'd rather talk about how hot my husband is, I'm okay with that.)

V-Day, D-Day

Well we all know tomorrow is Valentine`s Day, but you probably didn`t know that tomorrow is also the day Lilah is scheduled to have surgery. She has had a clogged tear duct since birth, and no amount of duct massage or breastmilk-soaked swabs have been able to clear it up.  This means she has to go in for what they call nasolacrymal duct probe and irrigation, a very simple, quick procedure, but one that does need to be performed under general anesthetic.  So for us, V-Day is D-Day.  This impending event is something I have been trying to put out of my head since it was scheduled in December.  Denial is one of my best defense mechanisms (along with procrastination, of course - the two really do go hand in hand).

On Friday the Surgical Day Care Department of BC Children's Hospital called me with the particulars: our surgery is scheduled for 9:50 am on Monday, and we are to present ourselves at the hospital at 8:50 am on the dot.  Lilah is not to eat anything after midnight tonight, and she is allowed water and/or apple juice until 6:50 am.  After that, no food or liquid is to pass her lips.  That should be a real barrel of monkeys.

So we'll have a hungry, cranky toddler on our hands, but it wouldn't be the first time, and it won't be the last.  It won't exactly be a picnic, but, armed with TV, a couple of new toys, and Daddy's iTouch with some freshly downloaded kid-friendly apps for the waiting room, we can survive for a few hours.

The things that make me most apprehensive about tomorrow are the unknowns.  How will she react to the anesthetic?  Will she be scared?  Will I be allowed to be there when they administer the anesthetic?  Will the procedure be successful?  How will she feel afterwards?  Will her eye be sore?  Will she forgive us for putting her through all this?

There is part of me that knows this whole thing really isn't a big deal.  But there's this other part, the mother lion fiercely protecting her cub, who's dreading tomorrow; who doesn't want to put her kid through this; who just wants it to be over and done with; who's wondering if she's going to be able to sleep tonight.  I am quite sure I'm being melodramatic about the whole affair, but when the mama lion roars, we must heed her call.

If you have any words of wisdom for me, please be sure to leave them in the comments section.