He Can Ask For It.

Let's talk about normal-term breastfeeding.  (Call it extended breastfeeding if you will, but I prefer full-term or normal-term.)

Right now, you are either shuddering or fist-pumping.

Breastfeeding has always been a very important part of my relationship with my kids.  Before Lilah was even conceived, I knew I desperately wanted to breastfeed.  I just didn't know how long I would want or be able to do it.  I tended to agree with that modern adage that if they can ask for it, it's kinda creepy.

Wait. What? That makes absolutely NO sense to me now.

Once I had Lilah, I realized they are always asking for it.  It's simply an evolution.  From making sucky faces to crying to nuzzling into my chest to those first rudimentary attempts at making the sign for "milk" (which both of my kids used long before they could say the word) to lifting up my shirt to saying "milk."  And in Lilah's case, all the way up to 26 months, just before she weaned, when she could say, "Milk please, Mommy."  All of this is normal.

There is no clear line where they go from "asking for it" to really asking for it. Besides, even if there was, why would it make sense to cut them off just when I'm finally really sure what they want? Is that considered normal?

Please understand, I support other moms in whatever length of breastfeeding works for them and their children, whether that be never, a few days, a few months, or a few years.  I'm just saying that I, personally, have changed my tune completely because my child asking for breast milk just doesn't seem like a legitimate reason to stop giving it to them.

Henry is almost 20 months, with a mouthful of teeth, an exploding vocabulary, two- and three-word phrases, and a huge repertoire of songs.

He can definitely ask for it.  And he exercises that right several times a day.  Most of the time, I am happy to oblige.

Sometimes, it's an inconvenience.  The gymnurstics, kicks to the face, and occasional biting can be annoying or even downright painful.  But there are other parts that make it so worthwhile.  His delighted giggle when I say, "Milk? Sure!" and start to lift my shirt.  The cure-all for owies, grumpies, and everything in between. The best way to wake up.  The way he tilts his head to one side and says, "side?" when he wants to switch. His emphatic "buh-bye!" as he pulls down my shirt to show he is all done. These are just a few of the many things that make nursing a toddler feel absolutely natural to me.

Right now, we are both enjoying this aspect of our relationship.  And I plan to continue as long as we both continue to enjoy it. 

Whether that makes you shudder or fist-pump, I really don't mind. Because this is just so... normal.

I'm linking up with some other Vancouver Mom bloggers who are passionate about normal-term breastfeeding.  Drop in on Mama in the City, Hillary with two Ls,  Spokesmama, and One Crazy Kid for more normal-term breastfeeding stories.  If you're a fist-pumper, link up! Or share your thoughts on full-term/normal-term breastfeeding in the comments.

The Great Big Baby-Led Weaning Post, Part 1

When Lilah was six months to a year old, you could often find me in the kitchen, boiling, pureeing, and freezing organic fruits and veggies to serve to her at mealtimes.  Sound familiar?

This time around, as Henry approached the six month mark, I knew I would have neither the time, nor the desire (and certainly not the energy!) to spend his precious naptimes boiling and pureeing away.  I wanted to make starting solids as painless as possible for all of us.  So I started looking into Baby-Led Weaning (BLW), also known as Baby-Led Feeding or Self-Feeding.  I knew a number of families who had tried this method for feeding solids, often with their second or third babies, and I was interested to know what it entailed. 

Now that I'm the one doing it and posting photos all over Instagram and Facebook, I've had several friends ask me about it, and I am more than happy to share my experiences.

There are some good resources on the internet, including the Baby-Led Weaning site, Baby Center Canada and Canadian Family. But there aren't a lot of specifics out there, mainly because the idea with BLW is that pretty much anything goes.  You kind of have to wing it, which can be a bit challenging for those of us who are admitted control freaks.  And I think that would be especially true for first-time parents. 

Even this time around, it felt like a bit of a leap of faith, given that Henry's diet had consisted exclusively of breast milk up until he turned six months.  I had been intimately acquainted with every drop of sustenance that had passed his lips, and now I was about to plop some food down on the tray of his high chair and let him go to work on it.

But, when it comes to babies, I have always tried to consider how things would have been done back in the bad old days, before high chairs and blenders and fortified baby cereals and the onslaught of parenting information with which we are bombarded every. single. day.

So I let him go for it.  But that's not to say that I didn't have a preliminary checklist to ensure safety and my own confidence in this practice.

 

First off, my research indicated that babies should be able to sit unassisted before starting self-feeding.  Henry was able to sit up by himself by five and a half months.  Check.  He was showing a definite interest in the foods on our plates and started to get a little peeved when everyone around him was eating without him.  Even when we sat him up in his high chair with toys to entertain him while the rest of us ate dinner. Check.  I still waited until he turned six months, though.  Just to be sure.

I also talked to our family doctor about my plans.  Her resident, who I initially told about my interest in BLW, brought up concerns about Henry's iron levels when I said I was planning to skip fortified cereals.  But then I talked it through with our doctor, mentioning my concerns about him becoming constipated, the way Lilah did on fortified cereals, given that he was already one of those legendary, exclusively-breast-fed-once-a-week poopers. The bottom line of our conversation was that fortified baby cereals are not actually a necessary step, and you can introduce meat and dark, leafy greens quite early on, if you are concerned about baby's iron levels.  (Which, I'll be honest, I really wasn't.)  Again, I go back to the days of our ancestors.  Somehow, billions of babies have survived and even thrived without iron-fortified baby cereals or iron supplements.  Gasp!

There are plenty of reasons to try BLW, but here are a few of the reasons I decided to do this with Henry:

-I'm lazy.
-It seemed like a natural progression from breastfeeding.
-There are some studies that show it encourages babies to grow into children who make healthy choices and are in touch with their satiety cues.
-I had a hunch it would make family mealtimes easier, less stressful, and more inclusive.
-Cavemen didn't have blenders or fortified baby cereals.
-Fine motor development.
-Did I mention I'm lazy?

It turns out I have a lot to say on the subject of BLW, so I've divided it up into segments to make it a little more digestible.  (Haha, get it?)

***Stay tuned for the next installment of this post.  I'll give the specifics on what foods we started with and how it all went.***

Please share your own experiences with feeding babies - I'd love to hear about them!

Guest Post: Tips on Two

Today I have the honour of hosting Andrea of Mama in the City.  She writes one of my favourite Vancouver mommy blogs, and I have always felt that we had quite a bit in common.  I have enjoyed following her transition from mama of one through her second pregnancy and now watching her blossom as a mama  of two: her adorable preschooler, Benjamin, and a six-month-old bundle of deliciousness named Josie.  Not only has she been there, done that as a mom, she is also a labour & delivery nurse.  So I figured who better to ask for advice on making the transition from one child to two?  Here's what she shared:

I have been the mom through two newborns so far and I've definitely enjoyed the ease of baby number 2. I don't know how many times I was warned by people that the second baby was so much more of an adjustment than the first. In my experience these people were fortunatley wrong and bringing the second baby into our family went much smoother than the first. I can even say that I enjoyed the newborn stage so much more the second time around. Maybe because I really understood how fast it would tick by.

Sure there were frazzled moments where I dripped milk all over the place and held a red crying baby. Since I had already been through these kinds of baby experiences before I knew that all hard moments have a time limit and eventually pass. Now my newborn is 6 months old and I'm in the full swing of things as a mother to two.



Soon our dear Amanda will be welcoming her baby boy and Lilah will be an older sister; I've got a few tricks for her so she can stay on top of the transition of adding a new tiny family member.

Before Baby

Stock up on some basics like toilet paper and paper towels now. Having a few extras in the house will help you out immensely once that new baby boy moves in! If you have any special occasions happening in the first month you bring baby home, go and get those pressies and cards now. Stash them away and your future self will thank your tired new mama self in a big way.

If you can find the time, get your hair done. In fact, do all that personal self care while your bump is still burgeoning. Not only will you feel good, you will also look awesome in all of the photos of your birth. A win win situation for you.

Don't spend too much time getting anxious or losing sleep over preparing for the baby. Newborns do not actually need much; if you've got milk on tap you are golden. Having your partner run out for diapers is no big deal and most newborn essentials can really be found in your home. Plus there is the chance for on line shopping during those midnight feeds.

Bringing Baby Home

When we were bringing Josie home from the hospital we were able to arrange an extra day at day care for our son. For a short time it was just the new baby in our apartment and that moment felt relaxed and not rushed or stressful. We also chose to keep him in day care twice a week even though I was on maternity leave. I can't express how helpful this was for me and I'm so grateful that we were able to do this. It gave me time where I could just focus on discovering the new baby. We did our healthy baby visits during those daycare days and had friends over to meet the baby. In the early weeks it gave me a chance to actually sleep when the baby slept.

If people offer to bring you food always say yes. However, don't feel obliged to say yes to every visitor in the first weeks at home with your baby. I found by 4 weeks I was able to easily have a friend pop over without it being a huge deal.

Any family member or friend that offers to take Lilah out of the house will hold a special place in your heart. I had some really nice moments in the first few weeks at home with just the new baby because of this. My girlfriends had him over for play dates, off for swimming adventures, and even just some nearby playground fun. It felt so good to know he was having some special attention while I nursed and snuggled with the baby in my bed. It's not too early to book those playmates now.

The Maternity Nurse Advice

Now for me to put my nurses hat on! Don't rush your post partum recovery, instead relish the sweet fleeting newborn days. If there is ever a time to truly slow down and rest and recover, it is after you have a baby. Don't feel the pressure to put on your 'pre baby' jeans and head out on a bunch of errands. Allow yourself the time to lounge in soft stretchy clothing and lay in bed feeding your baby. Your body has gone through the amazing feat of growing a baby, birthing a baby and deserves a chance to recover guilt free.

 

If you didn't learn to breastfeed in a side laying position with your first, try to do it this time around. This position gives you the chance to rest and is more relaxing over all. For the most part, most repeat new mothers tell me that breastfeeding is much easier with each subsequent baby and I found this to be true with myself.

I'm so excited to hear about Amanda's journey of welcoming her second baby. Do you have any other tips for her on becoming a mother of 2?

Thanks so much to Andrea for sharing her thoughts and experiences. (Oh, and did I forget to mention her husband also takes gorgeous photos?)  I really appreciate the advice as I enter a new stage of motherhood.  And if you haven't already checked out Andrea's blog, you should swing by Mama in the City to wish her a happy birthday!

The Ghost of Blogging Past

It's been almost two years since I started Lilahbility - can you believe that?  I know for you, dear readers, it probably feels like two decades ago just yesterday.  Thanks to Mommy2Cents and Chosen Chaos and their Ghosts of Blogging Past Linkup, I am going deep into the archives to bring you one of my very first posts.  I tend to cringe a bit when I read old posts, but I'll take one for the team.  I know, I'm a giver.  You're welcome.


 

 

Here's what I posted on February 13, 2010: 

 No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk

Whoever invented that idiom was probably male and obviously had never had the pleasure of hooking himself up to a breast pump. Pumping is the bane of my existence, but a necessary evil if I am to enjoy any independence from my li'l Lilahbility.

Every drop of breastmilk is precious, and spilling some of the hard-earned liquid has always, at the very least, elicited a swear word or two from me, if not tears. (Okay, the tears were more during my extremely hormonal early postpartum days, but still!) I now understand why one dad I know refers to the stuff as "liquid gold."

Around 9:30 every morning after Lilah goes down for her first nap of the day, the familiar sound of the pump can be heard around our apartment- in fact, that's what's playing in the background at this very moment! Shhhh... can you hear it? Suck-suck, slurp-slurp, they're playing my song!

Personally, in one pumping session, I can only pump a quarter to a third of what Lilah takes during a big feed. That means three or four days of pumping for one measly bedtime bottle.

Bagging, labelling, freezing, and counting my store of milk in the freezer has become almost a compulsion for me. All is right with the world if I have 40-50 ounces stored up. Any less than that, and I start to get a little edgy. Those little plastic bags in the freezer are the key to my freedom!

So now are you really going to tell me not to cry over spilt milk, Mr. Idiom-Maker-Upper-Man?

Letter to Myself

Whenever I see a new mother with a tiny baby in her arms, I see a reflection of myself 20 months ago - clueless, fretful, and restless.  Sure, I see the occasional new mother who appears to have it all together, or at least doesn't look to be in immediate danger of dropping off the deep end.  But more often than not, I catch a glimpse of that crazed look in a new mother's eye - and I know that look.  Like a caged, sleep-deprived wild animal.  (Can wild animals be sleep-deprived?  Whatever, just go with it.)



That's the look



When I see that look, I want to reach across the space between us and give the new mama a bear hug and advice on all the things I wish I'd known when Lilah was a newborn.  Except I know that, had someone done that to me back then, I probably would have pushed them away.  I only wanted advice when I was ready to ask for it.  Unsolicited advice was just more crap to add to the pile; more that I should be doing or thinking about that I just didn't have the time or energy for.  It either made me feel guilty or it made me roll my eyes at the thought that the bearer of such advice could possibly understand my child and/or my parenting philosophy (yeah, right, as if I even knew what my parenting philosophy was).

If I could write a letter to myself as a brand new mom, here are just a few of the many things I would say:

• Babies fuss and cry, that's kind of their schtick.  Your baby will not suffer adverse effects if left to cry for two minutes while you finish wiping your butt or wolfing down that sandwich.  Mama's basic needs are important too!  Similarly, your baby will not implode if she is not fed the very second she starts to show signs of hunger.
• Mama's sanity is paramount.  If you have been sitting around shirtless attempting to satiate an insatiable baby by breastfeeding for hours on end, it is more than acceptable to take a break and leave the house with said insatiable baby (after putting a shirt on, of course).  Baby will probably appreciate the break too, and may even fall asleep in the stroller or baby carrier, miracle of miracles!
• Sometimes baby will cry right before falling asleep, even when you are rocking/bouncing/patting/shushing.  Putting up with a few minutes of crying may well be worth it for the half-hour of blissful silence that follows.




Phew, she's sleeping!


• The second six months make up for the first six months - in spades.  (But try not to spend the first six months wishing the time away - you'll regret it.)
• You will survive the hard moments and eventually the highs will overtake the lows.  And you will someday even look back with a certain amount of nostalgia on those sleepless nights spent rocking a crying baby for hours on end.  Time has a way of blurring images and smoothing out the sharp corners on those memories.
• People genuinely want to help you out, and you should let them.  Soon the offers will start dropping off and people will assume you've adjusted to your new way of life.  And then when you need help, you will have to ask for it overtly which, trust me, is much harder than accepting an offer of food/babysitting/cleaning/whatever that has already been put on the table by an eager friend or relative.
• Everything is a phase: sleeping well, sleeping poorly, sleeping well, not eating, eating for hours on end, pooping frequently, pooping infrequetnly, rapid weight gain, slow weight gain, teething, waking up screaming, waking up chipper and chatting, drooling, biting, being cranky, being happy... the list goes on.  Just when you think you've got things figured out and some kind of pattern established, baby will switch things up on you. (This last one is still very applicable at Lilah's age and will be for quite some time, I imagine.)

I will have to come back and have another look at this list when (if?) the Hubs and I have a second child.  What about you, dear readers?  Anything to add?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

The Beauty of Breastfeeding

A few weeks before Lilah was due, the Hubs and I took a breastfeeding day course at the hospital. The nurse who was teaching the course asked everyone to brainstorm the many reasons why breast is best. There were all the usual suspects - antibodies in the milk, mother-baby bonding, environmentally friendly, no preparation necessary, etc. Oh, and you can be sure that the Hubs and I were the ones chiming in with "and it's FREE!" We're notorious for our, ahem, "frugality."

Yes, there are endless reasons to breastfeed. For me and Lilah, it didn't exactly come easily at first, as I wrote about here, but now we are a breastfeeding power team. She is almost 13 months old and still going strong on the boob, nursing three to five times a day. I've been asked many times when I intend to wean her, and I really thought I'd want to around the time that she turned one. But it has become such a natural, beautiful interaction, and I really can't imagine taking it away from either of us at the moment.

Lilah has entered the realm of toddlerhood, and so our days are full of adventure and chaos. Breastfeeding is our time-out; our little oasis of stillness that grounds and reconnects us a few times throughout each hectic day. I used to resent the fact that I needed to leave a social event and find a private room to nurse my distractible, constantly moving baby, but now I relish the excuse for some quiet time for the two of us. Of course it doesn't hurt that nursing her only takes five or ten minutes where it used to take the better part of an hour.

Lilah and I have our own little inside jokes while we are nursing, and I love watching her trying to smile while still latched on when I tickle her or we play the "stinky feet" game. That milky smile that inevitably emerges is just about the most precious thing I can possibly think of.

I am pro-breastfeeding in general for all the usual reasons, but the reasons why I love it for myself and for Lilah are not really what I expected them to be. Or maybe it's just that the term "bonding" doesn't do it justice. I have struggled to define and explain it, but then I came across this breastfeeding photo blog, and suddenly it dawned on me. Breastfeeding makes me feel like I am part of something so much bigger than just me and Lilah; something ancient and mammalian, and yet, when I am nursing her, we are in our own little world; the only two souls who exist.

A Lesson in Perseverance

I like to be good at things right from the start. I usually don't continue with new things unless I excel at them from the beginning. At the risk of sounding conceited, there are lot of things I'm good at, so why bother wasting time on the things I'm not?

Breastfeeding has been a completely different story. Before I had Lilah, I didn't know much about breastfeeding. I only knew that I wanted very much to be successful at it, and was prepared to work at it because I knew it was both challenging and important.

I had heard all about my sister's struggles with breastfeeding her first child, and I was under no illusions that it would be easy, even though it should be the most natural thing in the world. But I never thought it would be as difficult as it turned out to be. I figured we'd have things down pat after a few weeks of struggle. Probably because of Lilah's reflux and almost constant tummy troubles, conquering breastfeeding has been one of the single most difficult things I have ever done. I am quite sure that, without the advice and inspiration I received from my sister, and without the postpartum consulting our doula did for us, I would never have persevered. But persevere I did, and I am DAMN proud of myself (and Lilah!) for hanging in there. Nothing could be as rewarding as simultaneously nourishing and bonding with my daughter.

Another thing I did not anticipate was becoming so passionate about breastfeeding in general. I can't express how proud I am to be part of a local (and global) community of breastfeeding mothers. It's not just a way of feeding your baby, it's a way of life. Breastfeeding is a huge commitment; truly a lifestyle choice, but one that I would like to see more and more families make. And that can only happen through advocacy and education.

If you'd asked me a couple of years ago, I probably would have said that Salma Hayek putting that orphan baby to her breast in Africa was a bit creepy and maybe overstepping her boundaries. Now I would not hesitate to breastfeed another woman's starving baby. That's why this article brought me to tears and inspired me to write this entry. If stories like this happened more often, the world would be a better place.

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk

Whoever invented that idiom was probably male and obviously had never had the pleasure of hooking himself up to a breast pump. Pumping is the bane of my existence, but a necessary evil if I am to enjoy any independence from my li'l Lilahbility.

Every drop of breastmilk is precious, and spilling some of the hard-earned liquid has always, at the very least, elicited a swear word or two from me, if not tears. (Okay, the tears were more during my extremely hormonal early postpartum days, but still!) I now understand why one dad I know refers to the stuff as "liquid gold."

Around 9:30 every morning after Lilah goes down for her first nap of the day, the familiar sound of the pump can be heard around our apartment- in fact, that's what's playing in the background at this very moment! Shhhh... can you hear it? Suck-suck, slurp-slurp, they're playing my song!

Personally, in one pumping session, I can only pump a quarter to a third of what Lilah takes during a big feed. That means three or four days of pumping for one measly bedtime bottle.

Bagging, labelling, freezing, and counting my store of milk in the freezer has become almost a compulsion for me. All is right with the world if I have 40-50 ounces stored up. Any less than that, and I start to get a little edgy. Those little plastic bags in the freezer are the key to my freedom!

So now are you really going to tell me not to cry over spilt milk, Mr. Idiom-Maker-Upper-Man?