Thursday, September 27, 2012


I've started, deleted, and re-started this post about a billion times over the past month, but time and energy to put towards blogging, let alone processing my feelings, have been in short supply.

Things are getting better now, but we have been struggling.  Not with the sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn, not with the growth spurts and 'round the clock feedings, the raw diaper rash, nor the gassiness of the tiny one, though I'm sure those exacerbate the situation somewhat. 

No, we are dealing with the aftermath of having turned Lilah's little world upside down.  First, we got pregnant and Mommy's energy levels and ability to be physical with her changed.  Then we moved and sold and renovated.  That was stressful on all of us.  And then, just when things were getting back to some semblance of normalcy, we brought home a new baby and Lilah switched daycares.  Cue dramatic disaster music.  The perfect storm.

Behaviours surfaced that we have never seen from our sweet girl before.  Hitting, kicking, biting, you name it, we've had it.  The one saving grace is that she is taking it out on her parents, the ones who created all this change, and not on her baby brother.  Fair enough.

And on top of it all, she's so very, very three.

All of this makes for a unique combination of frustration and guilt.  It's been tough.  But all we can do is weather the storm, try not to lose it too often, and know that it gets easier.  It has to.

Admist all of this, though, there have been moments.

Joyful moments, 

Endearing moments,


Carefree moments,

Sweet moments,

Celebrating my 33rd birthday at the end of August.
And, best of all, bonding moments.

These are the moments I hope will stick; the moments I want to bind to our history as a family and become part of our collective memory.  To paraphrase my friend Jen: String together enough happy moments, and you end up with a happy life. 


  1. Aw, Amanda, so sorry to hear it's been a struggle. Nobody tells you about that part when you bring a second baby home.
    Glad you were able to capture some of the happy, though. Hope each day brings you less struggles, and more happy.
    P.S. Thanks for the mention

    1. And thank YOU for the inspiration and the kind words of support!

  2. I love this post, very well written and oh so true! I can promise you that we all go through these struggles, and they are definitely temporary. When your little guy is a bit older, Lilah will realize that she has a playmate for life, and it will be magical. Good luck mama!

  3. It gets better! It really really does! Soon there will be a time when Lilah won't even remember that Henry was not always a part of the family. She will think he was just always around!

    1. I think it's already starting to happen! Thanks for the encouragement, Andrea.

  4. So happy for you guys and in the same respect know exactly what you're going through! We have a 3 month old and a 3 year old and had none of the "terrible two's" but the terrible 3's are here with a force! Thankfully, our little one isn't taking it out on her new brother either (but primarily on me who is home with her all the time). It's hard, hard, hard work and some days I would trade going to work ANY DAY over staying home with my daughter on a bad day. But you're right, it's the little moments, the hugs, the laughs (however infrequent they come) that make it worthwhile. I hope Lilah "settles" for you over the next few months - I do hear from mommy friends that it gets easier :)

  5. Gotta be tough on Lilah. She's been the one, the only. When little Henry can finally PLAY, things will get FUN! Plus and numero uno, she can boss him around pretty much for life!

  6. I begged people to tell me the truth about what it would be like when we brought our second child home. All I got was was cliches about things "becoming your new normal." We too have experienced a rough time after bringing home our second child and my kids are the same age difference apart as yours. It's been almost a year and a half and things are much better! They are really sweet with each other. Hang in there and make a point to spend time with each of them individually-even if it's only 15 minutes.

  7. Definitely hang on to the good moments, they will get you through the bad. Aside from the general terribleness of the 3's - they do get better adapting to the baby! Big hugs!!

  8. Hang in there mama. Stay consistent, try to keep your cool, and this darling storm shall pass. It's hard to be upset with little ones when you give so many reasons for the behavior. Hoping the sleep comes, the gas goes, and life returns to someones normal.

  9. Big hugs, A! Just as hard as newborn #1 but for different reasons just to make sure you can't get ahead of the game?!?

  10. Oh, Amanda, I hear you. Our 3yo is just like that....when she gets frustrated, she yells, she hits, she throws a fit. Then snap your fingers and she's happy and laughing and fine. Three is a TOUGH AGE. But I know you'll all adjust soon and it'll get easier (okay, it may take a while on the 3yo mood swings).

  11. Hi Amanda,
    Sorry to hear things have been a struggle lately. I remember very clearly that for us at the night time routine on the nights Adam was a huge struggle for me. Jack would scream his head off while I tried to maintain a nightly routine that Sarah was used to. I remember one night crying to my mom on the phone. It was that feeling that I couldn't help everyone at the same time or make everyone happy. It did get easier, but honestly it took a few months. Which is not that helpful. I know how patient you are. Three is a challenging stage. Talk about Jeckyl and Hyde. Take care. Thinking about you.

  12. I can definitely relate to how hard this is. When I brought Julian home all those years ago, I remember Isabella would always say "...and I'm not jealous at all mommy".
    It rocks their world but she will definitely adjust.
    Ava is making me crazy right now. Hoping that makes you feel a little better! xo

  13. Amanda, I've been there too. And it shall pass. So crappy to hear that said, because it offers little comfort in the moment. But really, it's going to take some time. Remember to take extra good care of yourself. Seriously, I've learned the hard way--when Mama's run down EVERYone else suffers. So, steal away moments--do nice things for yourself. Your kiddos will be better for it. I've found with each new baby we've added it generally takes a good 3-6 months for everyone to settle back down. I think it's amazing that you realize what's going on with your sweet girl--for some parents it's easier to blame the child. Hugs to you, friend.

  14. I know it's trite but it does get better and everyone adapts. Each behavior is telling you something and of course she is doing her job as a three year old-testing her limits. Hang in there. I love the line on the end from your friend Jen.


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