I'm sorry to do this to you, since you've been there for me through thick and thin (mostly thick), but I have to be honest. It's just not working anymore.
You promise to make me feel better if I take you back but it's always short-lived. And then I come crashing down from the high into the waiting arms of guilt and disgust. We just keep repeating this pattern over and over. It's time to stop the insanity!
We can still be friends, but we'll only be able to see each other on special occasions. Like Christmas. And Easter. And Hallowe'en, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, and Lilah's Birthday. Okay, maybe April Fool's Day, Secretaries' Day... oh, and Chocolate Day(s), of course! And maybe the occasional quickie. But the point is, no more daily rendez-vous. No more sneaking around after the baby's gone to bed. You'll be seeing a whole lot less of me.
When you catch a glimpse of me in line at the grocery store, don't call out to me. Don't try to get my attention. I will ignore you. Trust me, this will be better for both of us. Oh, and tell your friends, Cookies, Ice Cream, and Cake that I won't be giving into their temptations either. You hear me?
I'm sorry, Chocolate, we've had a good run. You were an important part of my life, and I'll always look back on our times together with fond memories. But now it's over.