Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Confessions of a Massively Pregnant Crazy Woman

This is a Monday Listicle on a Tuesday, so clearly I am late.  That seems to be a general theme in my life these days, seeing as today is baby #2's due date, and there is very little indication that he is planning to show up for his own party anytime soon.  Like his older sister was three years ago, he is content to hang out a little longer on the inside.  I'm going to chalk it all up to the fact that I give good womb.  There are worse things in life, I do realize.

Remember a couple weeks ago, when I was all Zen about waiting for baby to arrive?  Well, I'm doing my best to stay in that headspace, and I'm certainly not as manic as I was around this time with Lilah, but hormones, heat, and chasing after a three-year-old are doing things to my brain.  I think I might be turning into that crazy pregnant lady again.  Here are my confessions:

1.  Yesterday I called the Hubs to pick us up in his car because I could not walk three more blocks with Lilah.  In my defense, we had gotten on the wrong bus on the way back from Science World, got stuck on said bus for an extra 15 minutes due to construction, the bus was crowded and cooking in the heat and humidity, Lilah was complaining that she was thirsty and had to poop, and I'd already walked several long blocks after getting off the bus. Aaannnd the last three blocks would have been uphill.  (Okay, a slight incline, but still...)

2.  The other day, I sneeze-peed. That was a new experience for me, and not one with which I am altogether comfortable.

3.  I haven't been sleeping well at night, and last night the Toopy & Binoo theme song taunted me by playing itself over and over again in my head all. night. long.

4.  As much as I want to enjoy Lilah's last moments as an only child and make them special for her, I'm falling down on the job a bit.  Fatigue, heat, and hormones are making it challenging to always be as patient as I would like to be.

5.  Right now, I easily weigh as much, if not more than, my 6'2'' husband. 

6.  The skin over my abdomen is stretched so tight that if this baby doesn't come out the traditional way soon, I am convinced my skin may just tear open.

7.  As uncomfortable as it is, I'd be  more than willing to let my doc get all up in my lady biznaz at my next appointment if it brings me any closer to meeting this little guy.

8.  My feet are dirty, sweaty, and stinky all the time.  The only shoes I can fit my swollen feet into right now are cheap rubber flip-flops, which make them sweat like crazy and pick up all kinds of dirt.  I have to bathe my feet every night before getting into bed.

9.  I no longer fit into any of my maternity pants, so I'm alternating between three or four summer dresses.  It's getting a little old.

10.  People keep accusing me of having had conversations with them of which I have zero recollection.  Either it's one giant conspiracy, or I really am losing my mind!


  1. I always disliked that part of the very end of pregnancy where you don't fit any of your maternity clothing. Which is why a lot of the time, before Josie arrived, I wore the same black pyjamas pants AS pants. Funny enough, they were not even maternity ones just really really stretchy one. My husband informed me that you could see my bum through the back and I just did not care ;)

  2. the only thing that was comfy towards the end of my 3rd pregnancy was a pair of sweats a neighbour gave me from her previous pregnancy. with triplets. they were size 3x.....I was only having one. in my defence, I could fit another 3 legs into one of the pant legs and my butt looked like it had a "deposit", but they were the only thing that would fit over my belly.
    I may have just shamed myself. right. then.

    1. THANK YOU for putting yourself out there like that. Seriously, it's a HUGE comfort to me. Just to know that I'm not the only one who has felt like a total elephant!

  3. I can't believe you've never sneeze peed before! I do it all the time. Also laugh pee, trampoline pee, and jump rope pee. :) sad but o so true. And anytime I see a woman cross her legs or squeeze her knees together while she laughs I feel like I'm part of a special incontinence club and for a few moments the affliction is a bit easier to handle. :)

    1. Well I generally don't have any issues in this department. Maybe the occasional slip, but this time I don't mean just a little dribble, I mean pee-running-down-my-leg-had-to-change-my-pants sneeze-pee. It was disturbing!

  4. Hahahaha...oh my. It's almost over, Amanda!! Hang in there! Also, I outgrew my maternity pants with every one of my pregnancies. Hope you're holding your little one soon :)

  5. It is a conspiracy my friend. Don't let them fool you. I cannot wait to meet your little guy!

  6. Oh, Amanda! You're doing so much better than I was at that point. My first was 9 days late and I was doing anything and everything to get him out. The second was like four days late. The last two? Heaven-sent early, planned c-sections. Come on, baby #2!

  7. Big hugs!! It really is the end though. The baby has to come out eventually.


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