Thursday, July 21, 2011

What I Want Her to Know

I often think about the future and what it will be like when Lilah goes through that phase.  That phase during which she will resent my very existence in the world.  I know this phase is inevitable because I went through it myself.  I always loved my mom, but I didn't begin to realize that she was kind of cool until I entered adulthood, and I had no idea just how incredible she was until I became a parent myself.  As a single mother of three, she did pretty darn good.  Hey, the proof is in the pudding (I'm the pudding, if you hadn't figured that out yet).  But that didn't stop me from being irritated by every single tiny thing about her when I went through that phase.  They way she stood, the way she chewed, the way she said the word "what" (she likes to put the 'h' first, so it's pronounced "hwat"), all came under attack and were deemed The. Most. Annoying. Habits. Ever.  I was irritable and sullen and holier-than-thou, and I treated her more like an obstacle than a person.  I even composed mental lists entitled, "Things I Will Not Do to My Own Teen-aged Daughter." 

Because I myself was such a haughty little thing during this phase, I absolutely dread the day when Lilah begins to adopt a similar attitude.  I know it is a long way down the road, since she's only just two, but I keep wishing there was a way to bypass this stage altogether.  Since that is most likely completely impossible, I will settle for  writing down some things I want her to know about me as she becomes a young woman.  My hope is that knowing these things might narrow the gap between us:

  • No matter what you do, or who you choose to be, I will always love you.
  • I am a person with feelings, and being pleasant will get you a whole lot further than being a jerk.
  • I was considered cool, hip, and semi-fashionable at one time in my life.
  • I want to be your friend, but my job is to be your mother.  You will understand this when you become a mother yourself.
  • Because I pushed your enormous head out of my lady business, my hips will never be as narrow as they once were.  I sacrificed more than one pair of pants for you, young lady!
  • I will flounder, and I will make mistakes.  I will try to admit when I am wrong and apologize for my mistakes.  (But do know that you don't need to point out every little error...)
  • I'm actually a ninja.  Do not attempt to break the rules I set out for you.
  • There was a time when your world revolved around me; when there was no one cooler than me; when you were hurt or upset and only Mama would do; when you thought I was all-powerful, all-knowing.
  • In being born, you gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive.  You made me a mother.  Words simply cannot express how grateful I am that the stars aligned  the way they did; that you were the tiny soul chosen to join our family.  It simply couldn't have happened any other way.

    Back to the present, when something as simple as a wagon ride makes me her supermom.

Let's BEE Friends


  1. sweet. Each stage has its tough times and their rewards. Enjoy them all!

  2. I REALLY dread the teen years...because I was no peach myself when I was a teen...yikes..I'm scared.

  3. I struggle with your fourth point daily - now that my youngest is a tween. It is so hard to draw the line between mother/friend sometimes.

    Lovely pic.

  4. I love this! I have a 13 year old daughter and I know exactly what your mean. Everything you wrote above, I am experiencing now and I hate it. I thought things would be different with my own daughter but life has a funny way of repeating itself. THE PHASE is in full force here.

    I am going to have my daughter read your blog post. It might help her to gain a little perspective.

  5. I dread this stage with Sarah. Based on some of the attitude I see at 4, I know that day will come. Love this post. Great seeing you today.

  6. @Writerly Wanna Be Thanks! It's true, there are pros and cons to each stage. Two isn't ALWAYS a day at the beach either!

  7. @Jen Well fingers crossed they don't follow in our footsteps!

  8. @Babymama My mom was really good at navigating the boundaries. I'm making a mental note to try to emulate her in that respect. (However, I will be sticking with my own pronunciation of the word "what" - the 'h' is silent, yo!)

  9. @Bees With Honey Wow. I'm taking that as a huge compliment. I hope it helps, even if only a tiny bit. I think the main thing is time, though. It's kind of a shame that it takes so long for young women to figure out how truly awesome their moms are!

  10. OK. You made me cry. Screw you. :)

  11. @Andrea LOL, sorry! If it's any consolation, I sobbed loudly while writing that last point.

  12. I was horrible, horrible and more horrible to my mom as a teen, so I fear her quiet curse that I someday know what that feels like will come true. (If it does, I deserve it.) Still . . . come what may, as you've said, it will be worth it, for all the joy and love that have sprung from this terrifying, amazing ordeal that is motherhood.

  13. I love this post. It echoes some of my own feelings, for sure. I don't have a daughter, so maybe I won't have these struggles, but I'm anticipating something of a struggle with my son in the teenage years. Like you, I am writing notes to him in the hopes that even if he 'hates' me at time (such a strong word!), he'll learn to appreciate and maybe even like me if my notes help him to get to know me a bit better.

  14. I fear the turning away so much it hurts already. I think we need to commit to blalnking it out of our minds and enjoying the blind adoration they have for us. Perhaps if our moms had written blogs we'd have been nicer teenagers (.... wishful thinking?)

  15. @DebVery true, thanks for the reminder!


Comments: I love 'em. Tell me what you think!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...