Sunday, September 18, 2011

On Being an Adult

We've had a pretty rough few days chez Lilahbility.  Lilah brought a little something extra home from daycare the other day, and it turned out to be hand, foot, and mouth disease.  A couple days of fever followed by a blistery rash on the hands and feet and in and around the mouth.  While it is never fun to have a  sick child on one's hands, I have to say (without hyperbole) that Thursday was one of the most difficult days in my two-year parenting career so far.  I'm talking challenging and intense in the same way the newborn days are, and it followed a near-sleepless night, so it felt all too similar.

It is occasions like these (and sometimes random occasions as well) when I can hardly believe that I am really an adult; that I am old enough and responsible enough to be in charge of another person, let alone a small child who is ill and relying on me for her every need.  In my mind, I am still 18, just barely an adult.

But somehow I was trusted with the responsibility of taking my prenatal vitamins, growing a small human inside of me, getting her out safely (with a little help, obviously), nourishing her, nurturing her, keeping her warm and safe, and providing her with opportunities to learn and grow. 

And now here I am; the parent, the one in charge, trying to pacify a cranky toddler with a nasty virus and failing miserably.  And just for a moment, that sneaky "How did I get here?" feeling creeps up, bringing with it the self-doubt, the feeling that I might not be able to handle this, that maybe someone else would do a much better job, be more patient, hold it together better.

But the truth is, we got through it.  We always get through it.  And I helped get her through it.  I administered medications, fed her, made sure she drank enough fluids, rocked her, read to her, and restrained myself from strangling her when she sent her bowl of applesauce sailing past my head.  Because I'm her mom, and that's what moms do.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention - I also let her have a creamsicle in the bath.
And the bruise on her forehead?  I did NOT cause that.
In one of her illness-induced rages, she slipped and banged her head on a sharp corner.
Talk about adding insult to injury!

Still, when Lilah has woken for the fifth time in one night screaming, "I WANT MY MOMMY!!!" at top of her lungs, I will admit to sometimes thinking, "You and me both, kid, you and me both."




20 comments:

  1. Ugh, sounds like an awful week! I've totally been there, and I loved how you ended it, sometimes I just want my mommy too!

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  2. wow, this sounds like a hard week! I hate when my 2 year old is sick when there is nothing you can do to make them feel better. I'm glad you made it through!

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  3. We all have those moments don't we? Hope she'll feeling better soon. That pictures are so stinkin cute!

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  4. Yuck! Sorry I don't live in the 'hood anymore..I could have brought you some eats, at least. Hope everyone is fully recovered.

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  5. @Bits of BeeThanks, it's great to know I'm not alone on feeling that way!

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  6. @TamaraThanks, Tamara. Whoever ends up with you as their neighbor is lucky indeed!

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  7. Yes, yes, and yes! I'm still 19 in my mind, sometimes 16, sometimes 12. But I am never 31. Yikes! I'm gonna be 32 in a few weeks. I hear you loud and girl, woman! It's amazing that I am entrusted to care for two humans right now. And when you're sick and the kid(s) are sick that is when it really sucks!

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  8. Aw, so sorry you've had it so rough. Hope she's feeling better...and hope you've recovered from your sleepless night. Those are the worst!

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  9. OH that hand foot and mouth disease is a nasty one. My oldest had it when he was 3-4 years old.

    And I totally agree with you about feeling like you want your mommy sometimes. This last spring 4 our of the 5 of us came down with a nasty stomach bug. It was horrible, and between puke buckets and the constant laundry I was definitely asking for my mommy.

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  10. That creamsicle looks huge! i remember the days of thrown applesauce and don't envy you a bit. My youngest is now 11, but when they are sick, no matter what age, you just want to make it better and often feel as though you should be able to do better. Glad your babe is feeling better. Now you've earned a creamsicle in the bath.

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  11. Darn it! I just erased my comment and it was really nice. oh well, glad your daughter is feeling better.

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  12. I am so sorry. My son came home with a note of a reported case in him preK too. I hope all ends soon. Be strong.

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  13. Awww... I'm so sorry for you and Lilah. Hope she feels better soon.

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  14. Ack, so sorry she's not well and you had a rough time. Hope she's all better now and you too! Thank you for linking up with JBE!

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  15. Oh, man. I haven't experienced this level of sick yet, but I know my time is coming.

    I was in a coma for a few days when I was very young. Whenever Li'l D has a fever now, I feel the horror of that and wonder how terrifying my coma must have been for my mom. I actually cried when Li'l D's pediatrician said she was going to give him his whooping cough immunization, even though I know the immunization has changed dramatically (removing the cell wall) since I had and very nearly did not survive it.

    He was fine, but . . . oh, the agony of that!

    I hope all is smooth sailing there shortly.

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  16. I know that feeling SO well. Sometimes it just feels like surely someone else should be coming along and taking charge.

    Sounds like you did a great job. That illness sounds horrible, and no sleep on top of all the other stresses must make it especially hard. Love the creamsicle in the bath though. :)

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  17. Brutal!
    On CBC today they were talking about "being in over your head", and specifically the part where they talked about Impostor Syndrome came to mind when I read this. It's when people are unable to internalize their very real accomplishments and are constantly worried that everyone will find out they actually have no clue what they're doing. Definitely applies to parents!

    PS: Rose say "Lilah - big eyes!"

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  18. Oh, sick kids (and sick husband's too!) are SO NOT fun! Hope everyone is feeling better. Sometimes you do: Just. Have to. Get. Through it. Its the "getting through it" part though that makes us all great moms!

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